Cleanliness is next to godliness

Every morning I wake up to an empty waste basket, a swept and mopped driveway, and dishes being washed in the sink. When I step out onto the sidewalks to make my way to school the bank's entryway has already been washed and mopped, while local businesses, neighbors, and the park are being swept, as well. Everything is always being cleaned around here (with some neglect to the streets, which are swept once or twice a week). The saying that cleanliness is next to godliness certainly applies to Guadalajara, Mexico. I have seen brooms used to sweep floors, driveways, the grass, dirt, and bushes that have been trimmed. You can even find the local broom vendors on the side of the road on the weekends. I understand the obsession with cleaning, but I am blown away by some of the awesomeness that goes on down here. The house in which I live is cleaned every day, mind you that may not be top-to-bottom, but you get the idea. Most every block or two has a person that will wash your car while you eat, go to the bank, or stand and watch. Cars are usually clean from top to bottom all the time. I guess appearances stand for a great deal around here and they certainly do it well. I must admit that I find it pretty cool how people rock out the brooms around here. There is a lot of pride in it from what I have seen. Now all I need to do is figure out how to incorporate that into my own life, so I can keep my house and car clean for more than a day at a time. Alas, I do not think that is meant to be for the now.

On a completely side note: VH1 is currently playing all the best 80's music one could wish to hear. Not only did I get to kick it to Journey on a projector at school today, but now I get to listen to it all night long?! Yes...yes I do.

Riding the Bus: Part Two

So, you didn’t get a seat? Well, now all you can do is cross your fingers and hope for the best. If a seat opens up directly in front of you on a crowded bus it is yours for the taking…unless there is an elderly person or mom + child combo next to you. Sometimes two seats will open at once, which means you can share the wealth, but for some reason the first person always chooses the aisle seat (in hopes of you not wanting to hassle with the whole affair). If this does happen it is then your duty to immediately say “Excuse me” and make it the most awkward and bag-to-their-head sit down in the history of mankind.

Still no seat? Ha ha! Looks like you are going to be standing the whole way to wherever you are going with more traffic than you can remember. The goal of the bus driver at this point is to pack the bus as full as possible without having a passenger sitting on his lap and if that means people climbing in through the backdoor, then so-be-it. The bus driver is all powerful and you dare not say a word to him about the situation because I have seen a bus driver stop the bus, take off his glasses, and stand up to discuss a complaint with a passenger. Mister Conductor got an “I’m sorry, sir” and we continued on our way.

Now that we are packed together it is time for people to try and make their way to the back of the bus. They make their way toward the exit en masse and just hang out. You know, not say a word to one another, but just stand in a clump. Note: if there has EVER been a time in your life when you thought you wanted your butt to touch as many strangers’ butts as possible, then this is your chance! You may be lucky enough to give someone a crotch to the head, as well, if you get cornered during the mass migration. By now, your butt has made friends with so many other butts that they are nuzzling up to one another (due to the lack of space). DO NOT even think of letting a hand join the party because it was most certainly not invited. Butt on butt is cool, hand on butt is not, and nary the two shall meet.

Hours will roll by and you will lose feeling in your arm as you death grip the overhead bar. If you let go of the bar make sure the bus is in constant motion, otherwise you will either fall into the person next to you or smash into whatever wants to stop you first. Good luck with this one because the bus knows only two speeds (full throttle and dead stop). If you are tall enough you will be fine, the shorter you are the more challenging the task becomes. I suggest being about 5’11 for optimal reach and grip. Once you get down to the too short folks you are either going to need a spot to jump up and grab the bar or hold the seatback in front of you. Again, all I can stress is that, no matter who you are, don’t let go…don’t ever let go.

One last point before this comes to a close. If you are in a hurry, don’t be because the driver can read your mind and will make a conscious effort to make more stops, longer, and on a new route he has just made up. There are even times when the man will stop the bus to:

A) buy a newspaper

B) use the bathroom

C) let his girlfriend who is hanging out on the bus use the restroom

D) all of the above.

If you selected D, then you are most definitely correct! You get no prize other than the satisfaction of having one more bit of useless knowledge. Way to go!

There you have it. All you need to do now is cruise along, watch for available seats, and jump at them like a klepto to shiny things. I hope that these tips and tricks I have written down help whoever happens down this way in the future. It is not a bad time to be had on the bus once you get used to the whole event. Think of it as an adventure and you will be set. And if you are tall I ask that you please watch your elbows (as I unfortunately neglected one day) and don’t hit any ladies in the forehead. Not only does it make you look like an ass, apparently it also really hurts their head.

My apologies short stranger lady.

Riding the Bus: Part One

Let’s discuss an important matter when it comes to living in Guadalajara; one that is near and dear to my heart; one that I like to call the bus system. I must admit that at first one may not feel so comfortable in the mobile sardine cans we so fondly refer to as buses. Then, for some reason one day you suddenly switch modes and get into, what I like to call, “The Camizone” (a cross between camion:bus and zone for any who were unsure).

When prepping for the bus, as you look down the road for your number of choice, you need to find the optimal position for boarding. This means sneaking, climbing, and jumping all nimbly-pimbly (like a cat from tree to tree) to wherever the bus chooses to stop. It may pull right up to you or see how much you really want it by making you sprint a block or so. Do not worry, this is not the Titanic, so women and children can wait their turn (I mean, if you are an inconsiderate jerk or something…which I would never do or whatever) to board. If Lady Luck smiles down on you and you do get on the bus first, then it is a matter of payment. Cold hard cash or Transvale half price coupon. If the driver is cool he will let you use the coupon and give you a receipt, if he is sometimes cool he will take the coupon, but not give you a receipt (in the event that a random check ever occurs), if he is a grumpy Gus he will call you stupid and refuse, which then means you are fumbling for change. The driver may have a cigarette in one hand and already be shifting gears with the other when you present said money or coupon, so when another hand reaches to receive the goods accept it for what it is…a three-armed bus driver.

Good news! You are now successfully on the bus! The first one on this chauffeur driven Mercedes-Benz means first dibs on the open seats, if there are any. You need to take what you can get, so you don’t have to stand for 40 minutes. If you have time to choose go to the middle of the bus. Here is the break down of why you want the middle: the front of the bus means you have to give up your seat for the elderly and child-laden mothers, if you are a decent individual. The rear is painfully rough and you can snap your spine in two if you catch a speed bump wrong. The middle gives the smoothest ride and old people can’t walk THAT far, I mean, come on; they need to sit down fast to prevent getting hurled about like midgets at a rowdy bar (no offense to midgets), which automatically means special front-of-the-bus privileges.

Go ahead and take an aisle seat if it shows itself. You can usually hog both seats if you do that and have a good escape route if need be. By sitting in the aisle you can usually stare into the distance, close your eyes, or look pissed off, which deters a majority of people from sitting next to you if there is another option available.

Route 629B to Tec

If someone does sit next to you the proper procedure, if two other side-by-side seats open up, is to move to those and away from the weirdo/businessman/vagabond/stranger/etc you were sitting next to because why sit next to someone if you don’t have to do so? Either way, watch your knees when sitting because some of the unfortunate buses have seats crammed so close together that you will either be sticking your legs into the aisle and tripping people or having your kneecaps ground to powder as they are pressed against the seat in front of you. Although, if you are the contortionist type it is very likely you will find some impossible position that will prevent this from occurring and you good person I applaud.

Part Two will be posted in the next couple of days. Hope this helps get you started until then.

OMG! Zombie blog!

Here's the deal. I changed my mind about the whole "death to the blog" thing. I will just post on my observations while down in the GDL. You don't need to hear about my life because it is the same as it ever was, simply cut and paste me into Mexico. Although, now that I think about it, the food is different, I take a bus to school after a 20 minute walk to the bus stop, and all my classes are in Spanish, but other than that everything is roughly the same. And, as such, I am going to just blah blah blah about what I have noticed most often in this crazy! city. The blog has risen like a totally sweet zombie news reporter and will be giving the random facts you wouldn't think about otherwise (unless you were living down here).

Right. So that is all I have to say about that. Now on to something all of us down here in Guadalajara have come to see as a part of every day fashion...the neck brace.

It has come to our attention that at least one in four residents of this magnificently-sprawling city is currently wearing a neck brace, has worn a neck brace, or will be wearing one very shortly. Why is this you ask? Simply put, the phrase "Drive Safely" is more of a subtle suggestion than an enforced requirement. I think I know what it must be like to rally race. Simply slip into any standard taxi and say, "Take me to point B, sir!" and you are off like a bat out of hell or from wherever they spawn. Zero to reckless in less than 2 seconds! Blinkers? Those are actually used for something other than hazards? The horn? Functions as a blinker, the middle finger, a shout of encouragement, or a not-so-idle threat. Brakes? Should be applied at the last possible second (especially if it has rained). Accelerator? Can I replace the brake with a second one of these? The faster I get to the next traffic jam the better! Round-abouts? Wheeeeeeeeeee!

There you have it. Some vague idea as to why people have neck braces. It is not due to rocking out too hard at a Deftones concert. Nor is it because they have extremely heavy heads. It is due to the summation of driving habits plus other motorists equals BOOM CRASH and EXPLOSIONS! Well, maybe not explosions, but that make it look so much more exciting! Anyway, back to the initial point; people here drive as if their cars are hockey players and they will cross-check if need be. Now don't get me wrong. Not all drivers here are driving with their eyes closed. I have seen many a good driver, but when you are on the road with everyone else you can only do so much.

Neck braces are sure to become the next craze here in Mexico. I just hope I do not have to be one of those following the trend. And on that note: drive safely, watch your step, and stay the hell out of the way.

The End

I am not going to post on this anymore. I haven't in such a long time and if I do post anywhere it ends up being on Myspace or Facebook, so I will just let this die a swift and painless death. It is officially being tossed in the blog graveyard. And there was much celebration...hooray.

Here is what I learned about Mexico

They like giant red boots! They also like the name Justin. This can be seen in the following photo. What is so important about the boot is that it shows the importance of footwear in Guadalajara, Mexico. Now you may think that there is the same passion worldwide, but you would be severely mistaken. The preferred footwear that I have come across would be the dress shoes or a nice pair of Pumas. Puma must make a killing in this country with the number of pumas sneakers milling about. I have not actually seen anyone wearing a pair of standard cowboy boots yet. The girls are fond of tucking their jeans into furry, leather or suede boots, but that is as far as the boot thing goes (as far as I can tell). Now I know I am not being as truthful as I should be. This is not something I really "learned" here in Mexico. What I have learned it the reflexive form of pronouns (sort of) and the difference between the verbs ser and estar (ditto). I am sure that I will get it down in due time, but until that time call me confused (or Captain Awesome).


Another bit of "information" that I have come across by pure observation is that Ferrari is totally cool here. There are a pair of Pumas that are Ferrari red with the logo stamped on the side. I have also come across some beautiful (tongue in cheek here) Ferrari towels sets: washcloth, hand towel and bath towel included. Ferrari racing jackets! Ferrari posters can be found fairly often as well. Pretty much anything made of fabric can, in theory, have the Ferrari logo put on it somewhere...multiple times if necessary. I know I am forgetting a couple more here, but the overwhelming desire to own one of these things has clouded my senses. I guess it is better than having a fascination for Purina brand dog food or Spam. Then again, how great would it be to have a trendy pair of shoes that are Spam can blue and have the big yellow letters stitched into the side? Anyway, this is just another simple observation that I have come across during my week and a half down here. Well, that is all my brain has to offer at the moment. This weekend we are going to Tlacepace (I'll check on the spelling) and I will put down some adventures from there.

It is now time for me to catch the bus home and make the one hour trek. 45 minutes by bus and about 15 on foot. At first I was not sure I would really enjoy the hike to the stop, but it gives me time to "contemplate" and just listen to music. Do you like the use of the quotation marks there? Bet you are trying to figure out what I really mean by that! Mwa ha ha ha! Oh, the mind games I play! Yeah, not really, but I have to try. Until next time.

I like to eat

It was a glorious day of fresh fruit, Froot Loops, and fresh-squeezed orange juice. Lunch was homemade taquitos, beans, spinach, a potato soup, and a cookie desert. Dinner was biscuits and hot chocolate. I am n heaven at the moment. Who could ask for anything more? Not me, that is certain.

I have been watching Spanish television and reading the newspaper to work on my Spanish for the time being. It really takes it out of you I must admit, trying to listen and understand. I was watching "The Last Samurai" with one of the Senora's nephews and what was strange is that it was dubbed into Spanish, but also had Spanish subtitles. That in and of itself isn't odd, it is the fact that the Spanish didn't match up; the people would say one thing and the subtitles would say something else. Not it is a matter of knowing which is more accurate. Since I can keep up with the subtitles better than the actual speech I am going with that. It is pretty cool to understand what is going on though. I also watched "Smallville" with Spanish subtitles. Don't worry, there was no cheating thanks to the MUTE button. And so I had a quiet afternoon of television and a rousing game of naps. I totally won with about an hour of sleep.

Once I get my laptop charger I will have time to edit some photos and post them. Until them I am limited to my use, so as to keep my computer alive for a few more days. Live I say! LIVE!